From 'A Grand History of Maria's Affairs, Aged 19 to 22'
Maria dated again aged 29 and a few months. This time it was Charlie, whose life was frozen in long, flimsy days on his sofa or yelling at the football with his mates. He had stopped building in the middle of a large project because he “wanted a change”. Maria found this out-of-character decision intriguing, as if a hint to a little more guts and promise to him. His most motivating decisions on most days became which channel to watch. Charlie had picked Maria up in a pub in Stroud Green. There is an overheatedness to the drunken state that made him very forward and his attempted, slurry charm amused her. He kissed her that night heavily.
Maria was not a loud woman. However, there was, activated in her, a snappy intelligence and eyes equipped for long, low observations. She had a fiery agitation that motivated her to her own achievements, and a satisfaction that meant for the previous mentioned yeas she desired little from her men, or romance. In these years Maria was given over to a sort of observation of men greatly unlike herself.
The Story
They had been dating two years, and living together eight months. Maria had received a promotion at work, and as a reaction Charlie suggested they move into a new flat. They had yet to find one.
“I was thinking, well, me, Rob, Tango and Neil were saying the other day we should really move further East.” He looked across the seats, then looked forward again, his shoulders swaying a little with the movement. He tapped the bottom of the window in a rhythm. Maria agreed, she would be happy enough to move East.
“We don’t have to move far East. Maybe Hackney or Bow or somewhere a bit more South. I could be near to my mates.” Maria showed some consenting interest, nodding in agreement. The sky was a low hum of grey, although quiet patches of sun were nodding into visibility.
“Listen though. We really should get our act together – make a decision, you know? When we get to your parents’ I’m going to do a search and we can go look at houses when we’re back.”
“Yes, I’ve got a few days off work so we can look then.” She returned her eyes to the road.
“What do you think, really?”
“About what?”
“The flat, obviously. Bow or further South?” She was thinking about the route, the turning. As well as her new job and what it would be like seeing her mum.
“Let’s just see.”
“See what?”
“What happens when we get there.”
“Just stop the car Maria. Maria paused, then indicated sharply left onto the hard shoulder, the rain slamming against Charlie’s window as she did so.
“You just don’t give a fuck, do you?” He undid his seatbelt and turned his body to look at Maria, who was aware of his movements.
“About what?”
“ – the flat. What we’ve just been talking about. I’m trying to find us a fucking place to live and you’re just sitting there.
But, you know, you don’t give a fuck about any of this. You’re not even saying anything now.” His breath was getting heavier, coming in lurches now. It has stopped raining. “Just let me do all the fucking work.”
Maria had been bathing her eyes in the rain outside the window, both pleasantly preoccupied and unhinged slightly, propelled into observation of things outside the car by the remarks made inside by Charlie.
He leant clumsily towards her, reaching out to grasp her arm, the delicate flesh rising between his fingers. The seat made an uncomfortable, pressing noise and the handbrake dug into his stomach a bit as he leant to kiss her. The kiss was simple and lumbering, with Charlie’s thumb resting too heavily on Maria’s chin. She allowed this, a little absently. He laughed a little. Something in his oafish attempt at sympathy is hard to watch here.
“I love you.” Moving forwards. Maria looked at him. The sun had begun to adorn the sky, a new rhythm after the rain. It is hard to tell if her eyes, following her half-smile, own an expression of confusion, amusement or a tinge of anger. The sun, all those light years away, grew stronger and she squinted. His face narrowed a little. They drove on in near silence.
No comments:
Post a Comment